That sounds much better. If you want to I would also suggest taking out any personal opinions. Again I am not trying to be an ass or anyhting just trying to help you revise your listing to help you sell. here is my rules of thumb when listing something for sale.
1 No curse words
2 structured sentences not just key words
3 No personal opinions ( professional ok, Like from a magazine) (that actually helps a lot) personal opinions can be disagreed with and turn a buyer away because they dont like your opinion.
4 Provide good pictures of the CLEAN product. a picture of a dirty car will most certainly turn most people away. also choose a nice background ( dont use some crack alley as your setting for abvious reasons)
5 provide contact info and Name
6 be very detailed about the product, what is the product, how old, condition, color, etc...
7 If at all possible provide testimonials and contact info on the person. (this is a big hit because it proves they can trust you)
use it if you want to but if not thats ok too.
You seem to have used a lot of this guidline but there are some revisions that may help you sell.
nice car BTW